Like the good kind. The good shit. She rocks. I love her.
The biggest bullshit assumption in all this is the assumption that you were “meant to” be kept alive. Conversely, the other side of this moronic coin is the inescapable conclusion that every single person who died in the tragedy (or for any other reason, really) was meant to die. But if all this makes you feel better about being stuck in traffic or whatever, go for it, I guess.
Tonight was one of those nights where my mom breaks down and starts yelling back at my dad. (I should note she virtually never gets loud otherwise and my dad is one of those people that gets angry and yells at people fairly often. He would never get physical and he’ll be perfectly stable five minutes after it’s over.)
This is certainly not the first time. It’s a cyclical thing and it’s always about the same thing (that from a somewhat outsider’s point of view is more than definitely a legitimate problem). However, it’s becoming more frequent and I don’t think it’s a problem that will ever go away. I’m often left wondering how the fuck this marriage has survived this long and I’ve only ever come up with two things. One, divorce is hard. Two, they both seem to let go of things pretty quickly. But the increasing frequency is a little worrisome?
Well. Whatever. Time to go to bed. Incredibly tired.
My parents are incredibly conservative people. And I don’t mean politically (although they may be, who knows/cares). I mean risk adverse. It’s always about making the safe choice. In school, in investments, in life. Which really doesn’t seem like a big deal, but I think it’s really affected me negatively in at least one major way: fear of making mistakes. Not even just big mistakes, but small mistakes too.
Like, admittedly, I rarely cook. If I do, it’s something simple like making myself pancakes, making eggs, frying meat and honestly, I probably don’t even know what I’m doing there half the time. I probably don’t even do the same thing from one time to the next. But I digress. So I took out the whole bag of broccoli from the freezer and put it on the dining table. WHICH DOESN’T SEEM LIKE A BIG DEAL TO ME. Okay, I shouldn’t have done that since, yes, they will defrost while I’m waiting for the water to boil and I’m not going to eat the whole bag. Cool, I get that, but the overreaction and incredulous tone I got from my mom legitimately made me feel dumb for a minute even though logically, I know I have little reason to feel that way. But I’m 24 now. I’ll just not do it next time and move on.
BUT… I vividly remember the very first time my mom let me take the wheel in an empty parking lot, just going straight and turning and going around in circles basically. Probably six, seven years ago since I got my license later than most. It’s hilarious to me now in some respects. Like I was legitimately scared going maybe 20km/h. I rarely go less than 120km/h on the highway now. But at the time, just the things she would say when I turned too sharply, didn’t turn sharply enough, didn’t turn early enough… whatever… made me feel so bad that I remember just putting the car in park, getting out and walking home without saying a word. I know I went immediately to my room and cried for a bit.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I cannot remember many times in my life where I made an innocent or reasonable mistake and was not made to feel ashamed in some capacity for it at home. As often as they can, they also feel the need to take decisions out of my hands and handle my affairs. Even as recently as last year, when I was still in school and living in another city, when I would apply to come back to my place of residence (I lived in an off-campus dorm) the next semester, they insisted on putting down their email and phone number down instead of mine on the form. “This is very important. You can’t afford to miss this or screw this up,” they said. I just thought that was extremely demeaning and insulting on so many levels, but that is the perfect example of what they think of me. Then they get upset whenever I make any mistakes because “I’m old enough to know better” and I just sit there and wonder how they could be so clueless. Of course, they just add that to the list of reasons why I can’t be trusted to do things on my own and on and on it goes.
(I’ve just started to exclude them from the process of things entirely, but then they pull the “we’re family, why don’t you tell us things?” card. And again I sit there and wonder how they could possibly be this clueless even after I explain why.)
… This wasn’t brief at all. Oh well. Also, lol @ the brackets for this font. A CD and a handgun. Interesting.
So first of all, I broke into the triple digits yesterday. Squatted 100lbs 5x5 yesterday. I’ve been working out for a month now, so that’s cool. I always warm up first with an empty bar and the most motivating part of it all is just how light that feels now. It didn’t feel overly heavy when I started, but it almost feels weightless now. It’s an amazing feeling to me. Absolutely love it. Aesthetics is probably only 20% of the reason I work out and I can’t wait until 100lbs feels like nothing. Hopefully, I can get to squatting at least bodyweight by the end of February. :D
(I think back and shoulders are by far my weakest links. Traps and rhomboid are so hard for me to engage properly and I think my rotator cuffs are really going to hold me back in the shoulder department. Can’t seem to work those properly either. It’s not holding me back in squatting and deadlifting just yet, but I’m pretty sure it will the heavier I lift.)
A 14 year-old boy was recently raped at knife-point by a 20 year-old woman. When the story broke, it was primarily men who claimed he should have enjoyed it. It was feminists who validated his pain and spoke in support of him.
This is why we need feminism.
I did work out again after my knee scare. It felt fine during the workout, but I strained my left groin and my left hip flexor. Not that surprised. In hindsight, I could tell I was overcompensating with my left side during my squats because of my knee.
I worked out again after that but with a narrower stance and making sure to put as much pressure on my right leg as possible. That worked out okay for me during the workout because I iced my groin (started feeling it a bit on the right side, because I think I was overcompensating again for the left side… go figure) and really tried to stretch out my left hip flexor beforehand. After the workout though, I started feeling the strain in my right knee (MCL?) again on the way home. Too stubborn to quit, I iced some more, stretched some more and worked out a third time. Everything is feeling fine now. Tiny, tiny bit of awkward feeling in my right knee, but I’m not too worried.
I’ve always realized it on some level, but this really made it crystal clear how interconnected the entire body is. Everybody has minor imbalances all over the place, but until you put your body through more strenuous work (especially compound movements like the squat), you never really have the opportunity to feel where all those problems are. You may think you’re fine, but you’re really not unless you’re stretching properly on a somewhat regular basis and making sure you don’t work and move in ways that build up one side of a muscle group without building up the opposite muscle.
… But yeah, nothing too eventful to follow up with. Moving on.
I personally think it’s important to talk about Bieber’s arrest.
An underaged, drunk driving, arrest-resisting, foreign white boy was released on bond.
Then take a moment to think about the brown boys who are deported for much, much less and the black boys who are shot or beaten to within an inch of life for resisting arrest.
I think it has a lot less to do with the fact that he’s white than the fact that he’s a celebrity. Jay Z certainly isn’t getting shot or beaten for resisting arrest. o_O So many valid examples of racism. Use one of those instead.
So I jumped to block a shot tonight. Landed awkwardly and felt my knee kind of buckle? Kind of like how you land when you twist/sprain an ankle, but at the knee instead (and way less of a bend, or I would be not be here typing this). I guess that’s how I’d explain it since this has literally never happened to me before and it was legitimately a frightening experience, hobbling around clutching my knee. I’ve twisted and sprained my ankle a million times and managed to chip my front tooth kneeing myself in the face inadvertently (don’t ask), but I’ve never done anything to my knees.
I think my knee kind of bent out at the knee joint, so if I’m not mistaken, I’ve aggravated/stretched my MCL? It might’ve been a good idea to ice it as soon as I got home, but I didn’t, sooo yeahhh. At this point, I’m thinking it might not be a good idea to work out tomorrow, but I mean, I just started working out and I’m really, really hoping this is nothing and it’ll just go away on its own. I’m probably going to go anyway since I’m not squatting super heavy anyway… but obviously I’m going to feel like the biggest moron if I seriously injure myself.
Meh, think I’m still going. Good luck to me.
PS: I started working out last Monday. Three times a week, so I’ve gone four times so far. I’ve never worked out before this stint at all. :D